Before that I have a confession, during the past week or days, I haven't been very good in terms of my prayer time or in being a good christian. I probably did things that hurt people and Jesus, and I may have done things that I am not proud of. It was like going through the rebellion phase of a teenager all over again. The only thing on my mind during the past week was, to give up. To not bother about anything, to not care and be selfish... Yes, I did pray and I looked Ok, however, deep inside I knew that something was wrong. It was like, I was fed up with everything. I was fed up with planning things, doing things for others, looking for houses, worrying about things, contacting people... I was fed up with most of the things in my life and I wanted a break. I wanted to stop and just focus on the things I want to do. I didn't care whether what I was doing was wrong. I was selfish. I wanted to be selfish, so I looked away from him.
When I read about the Sacred Heart of Jesus, I was reminded of his love. Of how much he yearns for us, for me. I was reminded that at the times when I was doing all those things to hurt myself and other people, he was there, and he was hurting too. I realized that I neglected him, I turned my back from him and I furthered the gap between us. As I read through the contents of the site, I stumbled upon the prayer of exorcism. At first I was hesitant, I didn't want to do it, but after a while I stood up and took my crucifix, holy water and an image of the virgin Mary and went back in front of my laptop. As I was saying the prayer, I was grasping my crucifix in my hand. I felt scared, but I continued and just held the crucifix tighter and after a while I felt the warmth from it. I sprinkled holy water all around my dorm room and continued with the prayers for the Sacred Heart after the prayer of exorcism. You could say that nothing much happened, but it helped with easing my mind and made me calm. It also made me realize that I should stop being selfish and start being more selfless.
Later, I was directed to a book titled "He and I" by Gabrielle Bossis, by the author of the site. I searched the book and found a preview in Google Books. It was a book of the conversations that Gabrielle Bossis had with Jesus and it was powerful because the words that were written in the book somehow struck a chord in me. After reading a bit of the preview I decided to sleep. When I woke up, I remembered a phrase from the book wherein Jesus said, "Today I'll take every smile of yours for Myself."
Later, I was directed to a book titled "He and I" by Gabrielle Bossis, by the author of the site. I searched the book and found a preview in Google Books. It was a book of the conversations that Gabrielle Bossis had with Jesus and it was powerful because the words that were written in the book somehow struck a chord in me. After reading a bit of the preview I decided to sleep. When I woke up, I remembered a phrase from the book wherein Jesus said, "Today I'll take every smile of yours for Myself."
No comments:
Post a Comment