These past few months have been somewhat rocky in my mind. If I have to describe it, I would dare to say that I was slowly sinking into depression. It started back in late November and gradually grew till I am feeling very unhappy and having depressing thoughts. I wouldn't want to admit it but I suppose one factor was my failure to get where I want, and even though I have never given it much thought in the forefront of my mind, somewhere in my subconsciousness it had a profound effect. But it wasn't just that, my unhappiness was caused by several factors.
My continuous weakness when I'm confronted by temptation, that act of giving in without much of a struggle and my doubts and anxieties toward my future, my longing for something I am still searching for, my guilt for ignoring the presence of God in my life and being ashamed to face him and humble myself in front of him. All of these and many more made up the storm that threatened to engulf me.
Looking back, I see now that I was never by myself. God was there, and he never gave up. Even at the times when I was very sad and feeling alone, he gave me things to smile about. He showed me how beautiful his creation was and guided me towards him again. I realise now that, I was being very selfish and narrow-minded. I was so caught up on myself that I blocked out all that is good around me and all the people whom I love.
It's a long journey. I may stray away from the road, take many detours, face a dead-end but one thing I know for sure - God will always be there throughout all of it and he will never tire of bringing me back to the road again. He will never tire of bringing You back to the road.
