Psalm 62

O God you are my God, for you I long;

for you my soul is thirsting.

My body pines for you

like a dry, weary land without water.

So I gaze on you in the sanctuary

to see your strength and your glory.

For your love is better than life;

my lips will speak your praise.

So I will bless you all my life,

in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul shall be filled as with a banquet,

my mouth shall praise you with joy.

On my bed I remember you.

On you I muse through the night

for you have been my help;

in the shadow of your wings I rejoice.

My soul clings to you;

your right hand holds me fast.

Everyday prayer 1

O hear my prayer, Creator of all

Shine thy light and show thy servant your path

Let me walk with thy guidance,

Speak with thy tongue,

See with thy sight,

Hear with thy ears,

And move with thy will.

Take my spirit for thine O my Lord!

Make me Thine!

Make me Thine!

Year 26 ❤️

Adoration :)

"Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,
be all else but naught to me, save that thou art;
be thou my best thought in the day and the night,
both waking and sleeping, thy presence my light."

San Giovanni 2014

This happened two years ago in April 2014, so perhaps this post is way overdue but it is one of my most memorable encounter with God so I would like to write about it.

Back then my sister and I, together with a fellow pilgrim, Peter, met up in Rome to attend the canonization of the two Pope, Pope John XXIII and Pope John Paul II, (but that is a story for another day) we then went on a 7-hour night train journey to San Giovanni Rotondo in Foggia to visit Padre Pio.

We got off the train station in Foggia very early in the morning and had a shot of espresso (when you're in Italy and you're a coffee lover like me, you would know what a blessing this is) while waiting for the bus that would take us to San Giovanni. After an hour or so of traveling by bus, we reached our destination. We got off the bus and had to somehow figure out where our respective accommodations are through a city map we found at the park opposite the bus stop. Along the way, we met this little dog who followed us and much to our amusement acted as our guide to the Santuario Santa Maria delle Grazie - Padre Pio's Church. As it was early morning, we decided to head to our respective accommodation, ours was a nearby hotel from the church while Peter's hostel was one that we have passed along the way from the bus stop to the church, and meet up after we have freshened up.

(At this point, I must say that before this trip and prior to our visit to San Giovanni that I have not been to confession and have not been receiving communion for a few weeks - even the time when we were in Rome. And as one would be after being away from God for a long time, I was desperate to come back, reconcile, and be with him again.)

Having dropped our luggage and freshening up a bit we all met up back in the church, we explored a bit and looked at the schedule for services, taking note of confession times. We then went to Mass and I made the usual arms crossed over my chest to ask for a blessing from the priest during communion, as I have not been to confession yet, but the priest - maybe not recognising the gesture as it is back home - gave me the host. Thinking back at that time, I was surprised that he was giving it to me that I somehow reflexively said Amen and took it. Thankfully, we were able to go to confession right after. And it was that confession that made this whole trip to this place so special because it was there that I experienced God's great mercy and love.

The confessionals were located at the side of a church, it was a rectangular room that had a cross in the middle, pews either side of it and small confessional rooms surrounding it. Before the confession, I remember feeling very nervous and praying desperately for help and guidance. And as the queue got shorter and my turn got nearer the more nervous I got and finally it was my turn. I remember looking down at first during my confession and slowly lifting my head up and looking straight in the eyes of the priest. No matter what I felt during that time, even if I was so ashamed of what I was confessing, I was not able to look away from his eyes till the end. I couldn't help it and I probably would not have been able to take my eyes away even if I wanted to because in his eyes I saw no judgement, only love, and it gave me courage to keep going. Afterwards, I just felt so light, thankful, overwhelmed and loved that all I could do was look at the cross from the pews and cry. It was a very emotional and humbling experience and one that I will probably always remember.

When everyone finished their confession, the three of us went to La Via Crusis to do the stations of the cross, went on the tour around the old church wherein we saw Padre Pio's cell, the crucifix from which he received the stigmata, and stuff he owned from clothes to rosaries; afterwards, we went to the new church at the back and to the tomb where Padre Pio lay. On the way to the tomb are these beautiful mosaics about the life of St. Francis and Padre Pio opposite each other and the walk to the tomb was a nice way to meditate, pray and ponder about the life of these two inspiring saints.

"When you go to Confession... the misery of the soul meets the God of Mercy." 

-Jesus

Unknowingly my eyes are drawn to you, and you always seem to randomly wander in my thoughts.

So is it any wonder that I would come back to you? 

In my heart of heart, there is you. I love you. 

Loving mystery of the Eucharist

Lately every time I go to Mass I cannot help but be overwhelmed with emotions during the Eucharist. When the simple bread becomes the holy body and blood of Christ I find myself marvelling God's awesome love and I fall in love with him all over again. My heart just gets filled with this unexplainable joy and suddenly I have this goofy smile on my face while looking at the cross. I probably look stupid but it is of course inevitable for I can't help my lips from showing my joy upon gazing and being one with my beloved in the Eucharist. 

Lord God, may our hearts always be filled with joy and eagerness whenever we see you in the Eucharist and may we share this joy with the people around us. Amen 

A much needed motivation

We can do it! Don't lose hope! Don't stray! 

Keep your eyes straight towards our goal!

Just keep going forward.

Time does not matter! We'll get there!

Work hard and do your best! 

Endless Spring

Let me blow away your worries,

fill your heart with joy

and embrace you in my arms.

I am your endless spring!

Your new beginning,

and your constant companion.

Open your eyes!

See the beauty of my creation,

See my love surrounding you!

Chaplet of the Sacred Heart of Jesus

I have never really heard of this prayer before till today but it is one of the most beautiful and sweetest prayer to Jesus that I have ever prayed.

"Sweet heart of Jesus, be my love"

Worth Note 1

Close your eyes and let the rest of your senses engulf you. 

Allow them to paint a new world in the eyes of your mind. 

Feel the pulse in your veins, hear the rush of your breath, rest in the silence of your heart.

I want to learn to love myself

and in turn open my heart to loving all of you.

To love what you love as beautifully and as fully as you do. 

To accept and cherish them as you have.

To care for them with all the burning passion my whole being can give.

To be happy for I am filled with love. Love so immense that I have no choice but to keep on loving.

Let me love myself and let me love you.

Prayer of offering

Lord Jesus,

I give you my hands to do your work.

I give you my feet to go your way.

I give you my eyes to see as you do.

I give you my tongue to speak your words.

I give you my mind that you may think in me.

I give you my spirit that you may pray in me.

Above all

I give you my heart that you may love in me,

your Father, and all mankind.

I give you my whole self that you may grow in me,

so that it is you, Lord Jesus,

who live and work and pray in me.

God be in my head, and in my understanding,

God be in my eyes, and in my looking,

God be in my mouth, and in my speaking

God be in my heart, and in my thinking 

God be at my end, and at my departing

-Book of hours (1514)

In a seemingly tiresome day

Sometimes every little thing would annoy you,

how the door shuts,

loud music,

too cold,

too hot,

too salty,

too bland,

too tedious,

too bored,

too uncomfortable...

Close your eyes,

take a deep breath and say,

Oh Lord, lift the fog over me,

Allow me to see all that is good.

Let me praise you and be grateful.

Amen. 

Hopeful

May our lent be a time of growth in our faith and ourselves. May our relationship with Christ deepen and our outlook in life be richer. May he soften our hardened hearts and fill our soul with his love. 

Let's start our Lent right. Be blessed! 

+:)

My tireless God.

These past few months have been somewhat rocky in my mind. If I have to describe it, I would dare to say that I was slowly sinking into depression. It started back in late November and gradually grew till I am feeling very unhappy and having depressing thoughts. I wouldn't want to admit it but I suppose one factor was my failure to get where I want, and even though I have never given it much thought in the forefront of my mind, somewhere in my subconsciousness it had a profound effect. But it wasn't just that, my unhappiness was caused by several factors.

My continuous weakness when I'm confronted by temptation, that act of giving in without much of a struggle and my doubts and anxieties toward my future, my longing for something I am still searching for, my guilt for ignoring the presence of God in my life and being ashamed to face him and humble myself in front of him. All of these and many more made up the storm that threatened to engulf me.

Looking back, I see now that I was never by myself. God was there, and he never gave up. Even at the times when I was very sad and feeling alone, he gave me things to smile about. He showed me how beautiful his creation was and guided me towards him again. I realise now that, I was being very selfish and narrow-minded. I was so caught up on myself that I blocked out all that is good around me and all the people whom I love.

It's a long journey. I may stray away from the road, take many detours, face a dead-end but one thing I know for sure - God will always be there throughout all of it and he will never tire of bringing me back to the road again. He will never tire of bringing You back to the road.

TIQ: Listening in the silence of your heart

Do not be afraid of the silence of your heart, for it is in your silence that you hear God speaking to you.

A weekend at Worth Abbey

It's the start of lent and what a great way to start it with a retreat! I'm currently in a retreat with the Catholic Society of my university at a Benedictine Abbey in Sussex. We'll be staying here till Sunday afternoon. Today we came at around 8 pm, had our dinner and joined the monks for their evening prayers. The church where they did their prayer was dome like and beautiful. We'll be joining the monks in their prayers throughout the weekend and at the same time do our own prayers as well. That's it for me for now, hope you guys have a good and spirit filled lent. :)

Discussions over dinner

Today I had a discussion with my housemate about religion and since we differ in our beliefs as she was a Muslim and I, a Catholic. We were both curious about the differences in our faith. It was interesting because there are a lot of common points between the two and yes, there are many differences but the most important point is that, we both believe in the same God. They may call him Allah and pray and worship him in a different way but it is still the same, Allah is God and God is Allah.

Having said that, our discussion brought upon many interesting questions about why we do this and why they do that, why we believe in this and how about that. She asked me many simple and obvious questions about my faith and I tried to answer it as best as I could but its sad how I wasn't able to answer it rightly and with more understanding. This made me realize about how vague and lacking my existing Catechism is and reminded me to continue seeking and understand my faith. But I feel really thankful to God for giving me such opportunities to talk to other denominations about our faith and for constantly reminding me to seek him out, to know him more and to understand him more.